Patience

Adopt the pace of nature:  her secret is patience.  

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am working really hard on my patience these days.  There are things in my life that I want to happen NOW, but I am not in control of them.  I am also working on patience with myself, I am a work in progress and sometimes need to remind myself of that.  I am also working on remembering that while things might seem to not be where I want them to be, that there is someone much higher than myself who is truly in control of things and that all things will happen exactly as they should, when they should.

Peace and luv to all,

Laura

Do More

Do more than exist - Live

Do more than touch - Feel

Do more than look - Observe

Do more than read - Absorb

Do more than hear - Listen

Do more than listen- Understand

last night - not so fun

So, i dont know if it was the cold medicine or what but i had nightmares all night and ended up sleeping till almost 10 this morning - thank God i didnt have to be at a job today!!  I had dreams about everything from trying to escape from my stepdad when he tried to kill me to knowing the house i was in needed to be completely cleaned out but it was like a hoarder house and it just kept growing as soon as we would finish a room a new one would appear.  with both my parents being hoarders, it is a huge fear of mine that i will turn into a hoarder.  i kinda feel like one anyway since i have most of my stuff in storage due to living with others for the last couple of years - i feel like if i have lived without it all for this long i dont need it, but it is my stuff and i still want it -  it is a mental fight i have at least once a week.  anyway that is all for now,
peace and luv to all
laura

reflections of 2011

a friend posted her answers to these questions on livejournal and i liked the questions enough to do this for myself.  so here it is ~~~

~* Farewell 2011 *~

1.      What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

Started really opening up to people about my past and my future plans

2.     Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions for the simple fact that I am constantly trying to better my life and only making resolutions or goals once a year is just crazy talk

3.     Did anyone close to you give birth?

I love this question this year because we started out the year with Kameo having Kailyn on new years day 2011 and ended the year with KC having Gunner on Dec 28^th it is amazing how much I live for the babies in my life and I am blessed to have great friends and family that let me be the greatest auntie ever

4.     Did anyone close to you die?

My father was killed in a traffic accident on Oct 1^st this year.  It was a major blow for me because I hadn’t realized how close we had become the past few years and how much I would miss him even though he drove me crazy all the time

5.     What countries did you visit?

I feel that this would be much more interesting if I changed it to counties instead of countries – I don’t have a passport therefore I did not leave this country but I have been doing a lot of exploring of Washington state as well as going to Kentucky when my father passed away

6.     What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

A stable home life.  A job.  Actually letting myself share my life with someone else even though I might get hurt

7.     What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

October 3^rd – that is when I found out my father had died

January 1^st – that is when Kailyn made her appearance in the world finally

December 28^th – that is when Gunner made his appearance in the world

December 30^th – finding out that my cousin Emily has a brain tumor

8.     What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Probably staying sane through the whole year – minus one major meltdown in april

9.     What was your biggest failure?

I don’t have failures – only restarts J I wish my scrapbooking business idea would have gone further, but it didn’t, so time to rethink and restart J

10.    Did you suffer illness or injury?

This has been a pretty healthy year no major medical issues this year – still dealing with the fibro, the arthritis, the chronic pain and the ptsd but I am dealing with them and that is the point

11.     What was the best thing you bought?

My xbox 360 I absolutely love playing my games in my room

12.    Whose behavior merited celebration?

Jaymee – she had a hard year but came through it all with flying colors.  While I may not have approved of every choice she made looking back I can see that they were choices she needed to make to progress in her life to where she is today

13.    Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My brother – all this petty fighting over my father’s estate (which is nothing) and trying to strongarm me into doing things his way make me ashamed to even call him my brother

My nephew – he spent his second Christmas in a row in jail instead of spending time with his daughter

14.    Where did most of your money go?

To life in general – and my trip to Kentucky took a huge chunk that I had thank God

15.    What did you get really excited about?

Watching William.  He brings such joy to my life

Going to Kentucky and meeting my Johnson family

16.    What song will always remind you of 2011?

Someone like you – Adele it was an amazing thing to realize that I was ready to try dating again

17.    Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? 

Happier in general but sadder cuz my dad died
ii. thinner or fatter? 

Thinner – still losing slowly
iii. Richer or poorer?

Poorer because I ran out of unemployment and now I have no actual income as I work for the roof over my head and utilities

18.    What do you wish you'd done more of?

Hiking and spending time in nature

19.    What do you wish you’d done less of?

Job hunting – it is really hard to be told no over and over

20.   How will you be spending Christmas?

Christmas was spent with Sammy and Rich and William as well as Jesse, I just wish Rich would have made Jesse feel more welcome here

21.    How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?

New Years Eve was spent with Rich’s family, and Robbie – well Robbie and I talked all day online and texting

22.   Did you fall in love in 2011? 

Not that I am aware of – unless you count my fake celebrity boyfriends lol

23.   How many one-night stands? 

none

24.   What was your favorite TV program? 

Glee, Glee Project, New Girl, Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, Survivor, Amazing Race, Once Upon a Time, Grimm, being human

25.   Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I don’t believe in Hating others

26.   What was the best book you read?

Probably the Fever Series by Karen Marie Moning

27.   What was your greatest musical discovery?

Memnoir is great they rock

28.   What did you want and get?

A new hoodie

29.   What did you want and not get?

A job so I could have stability in my life

30.   What was your favorite film that you saw for the first time this year?

The only movie I saw in theaters this year was breaking dawn pt 1 but I have watched a lot of movies this year that I liked

31.    What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 43 on my birthday and me and jaymee went to the casino

32.   What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A job – boy I sound repetitive

33.   How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Ummm same as always I live in jeans/sweats, tank tops and hoodies

34.   What kept you sane?

Good friends

35.   Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Taylor lautner is hot, ummm other pretend boyfriends – zac from ghost adventures, steve from ghost hunters

36.   What political issue stirred you the most?

The repeal of don’t ask don’t tell, the assassination of osama bin laden, the pulling out of our troops from iraq

37.   Who did you miss?

My mom, my dad, Melanie, mac, kyle, misty,

38.   Who was the best new person you met?

Umm didn’t meet too many new people this year – Rich’s sister Sara is pretty cool

39.   Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

To live my life for me

40.   Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

We're getting older the world's getting colder
For the life of me I don't know the reason why
Maybe it's livin' making us give in
Hearts rolling in taken back on the tide
We're balanced together ocean upon the sky

~~Dog and Butterfly by Heart

Enjoy

peace and luv to all

Laura

Hello and Welcome to a new year and a new blog

this is the year i plan to really work on my blogging skills.  all the entries prior to this are from my other three blogs combined so that i can look back all in one place and see where i have been as well as where i am going.  feel free to check them out at your leisure as i know there are a lot of them.  this year i am really focusing on where i want to be in life and how to get there.  all of life is a journey and that journey is easier if you know who you are, so this will also be some ramblings of who i am and how i got here.  there will be a lot of quotes, a lot of photos, a lot of creativity as well as a lot of self reflection and learning.  i hope everyone will enjoy this project -- and please comment, i love to have feedback and i do take it all in and use it to better improve myself.

enjoy,
peace and luv to all
laura

Merry Christmas to all

the Christmas cards that I made for this year

So my father has a final funny story

When the mailman delivered my father's ashes to my brother, he absolutely refused to touch the package since it was posted as human remains quite clearly.  So he brought it up to the house where my brother lives and went to give it to one of the roommates who told him she was not touching it either so he would just have to pick up his us mail bucket tomorrow.  She then decided that the package belonged to another roommate who is always ordering weird things online.  Just for the record, I dont think you can order human remains online YET!!  LOL So she puts it in his room.  That evening while she is bitching about the weird shit this guy orders my brother catches on that she is talking about human remains and says I have been expecting my father's remains are you sure it was addressed to him?  Sure enough, it was my father, and i guess he had that final last laugh on people.

peace and luv,
laura