happy hump day

well yesterday was a better day. my leg was still hurting really bad, but i discovered that if i iced the back of my calf that my shin bone quit hurting. whatever, at least i found relief. i was also very creative again. new photos of my nieces and only mild pain will do that for a girl. arent they beautiful?? well really that is about it for my day yesterday, so peace and luv to all, laura

ok for what its worth, i fail at keeping up at these daily/weekly things!! so here is one of my favorite "redneck" grave sites. this is from the cemetery in chimacum wa. i love that not only is the cross made from chainsaws, but there is a beer at the bottom. i have not been cemetery exploring since april. that is sad. and even when i do go, i only have my phone camera as i have killed off my good camera. oh well, such is life. when the time is right i will have another one i am sure. until my next post, peace and luv, laura

tuesday.......... july 5th 2011

yesterday was not so great. i am having very agoraphobic feelings towards leaving the house. i think once i can get myself to actually go out the door, i will be ok, but sometimes that is the biggest hurdle. one good thing about going back up on the penninsula is jaymee will not let me just stay in my little comfort zone. she guilts me into going and having fun. and i do have fun once i am out, again, it is getting through the door that is the hard part. also, i was in pain yesterday. it was a hot pain from my ass down my thigh in the back (yeah i know that is from my back), and then from my knee to my ankle in the front felt like my bones were splintering. i dont know how else to explain it. it hurt - a lot - like 9 out of 10 pain. but i took meds and laid down and watched fireworks from my bed out my window. i even clapped for some of them, but that could have been my meds :) jaymee posted photos of kameo's girls - my nieces - and it makes me miss them soo much that i cannot wait to get back up there so i can see them regularly again. anyway, i am gonna try to be productive today, so peace and luv to all, laura

independence day

well here it is 4th of july. my big celebration plans are pretty much nothing. i did send my son to the store so we can have hot dogs and potato salad tonight, but other than that no plans. what i really want to do is lay in bed and watch movies, but i decided to come out and sit in the living room. when i am sitting, my legs and neck hurt pretty bad, when i am laying down as long as i shift every few minutes i can usually be pretty comfortable most of the day. so i am watching independence day - cuz well hello!! i hope my focus comes back soon. i hate it when my mind rebels against me in this way. i cannot wait to see the social worker on the 13th and get everything rolling. i need medical, i need mental health help, i need to find me again and be able to live without pain 24/7. the increase in my prozac has helped some, but i am still floundering. anyway i am gonna get off of here for now so this does not turn into a huge pity party, peace and luv to all, laura

july 3

well, it is after 5pm here and i am just now getting to this, i have had a bad couple of days, very tired, cant seem to get enough sleep. also, having nightmares about royal hills. they differ in who is in them, but the end result is always the same. i am back living there and stuck there with my worst nightmares. i cannot get out no matter what. i get on the bus to leave and it just makes it about halfway up the hill then has to turn back for whatever reason. also, my neck is in immense pain. so, i took a nap after watching some movie then a documentary about the amish people. well it was not a conscious move, but still it was a nap. with bad dreams. and now i am up and watching season one of sliders. i cannot seem to focus on art, reading, much of anything, but am watching tons of netflix. my sister had to cancel for tomorrow, but that is ok. we will move my stuff next weekend. in the meantime, i need to call the actual shelter and find out when they will have a bed for me, and get all my shit packed back up. i hate this part!!! i really do. but i know in the end, i am going to be getting the help i need mentally and medically. and that will be a good thing. i also have to send back the extra modem to qwest and look at my autopay things and start cancelling them. yes, even netflix. but maybe jamee will sign up for it so i will still be able to watch shit like sliders lol. anyway, just getting this all down for now, peace and luv to all ~~ laura

fourth of july weekend?????

how did this happen? i swear on my bad days time goes faster while i am in the slow lane. yesterday was ok pain-wise, but a total bust for anything else as i totally watched old tv on netflix alllllll day!! yeah i know i have things i need to be working on but reality sux right now so i escaped. perhaps not the best way to cope, but yeah it is working for me. btw if you have netflix and like hospital type dramas check out the one season available of trauma. i love this show but alas, since i dont really have tv, it has probably been canceled just like all the rest of the series i have found lately that i love. hopefully today will be more productive, we will see. anyway i hope everyone has a great day/weekend, peace and luv, laura

july the first

usually right about now i am getting excited about whatever plans i have made for the fourth. good food, friends, and fireworks are always a great combination. however, yesterday was a bad pain day. i was having issues sitting in my chair so stayed in bed most of the day so i could stretch out and shift as necessary. me and my netflix had an amazing love affair yesterday!! today, i have a headache and my hips are burning, but i am in a good mood. the sun is out, i know on the fourth i will be taking a load of my stuff back to storage and that is the beginning of this newest chapter in my life. i have told my closest friends what all is going on, and a few family members, but am choosing carefully who to tell and when. i think i am in the right frame of mind today to work on the baby book order i have - it is pink and frilly so depression doesnt click with it very well and i want it to be amazing since the mother to be has had such a hard time even getting and staying pregnant. also i am slowly working on finishing my all about me scrapbook so will post those pages as i have them. hope everyone has a great day, peace and luv, laura